


The Best Of Sirius Black/ Sirius POV

by Kaymardsa



Series: Patronus. [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Background Relationships, Dementor, Easy Read, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Eventual Wolfstar - Freeform, Feel-good, Fluff and Humor, Gay Sirius Black, Happy, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hogwarts First Year, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Hogwarts Second Year, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hogwarts Third Year, Inappropriate Humor, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Moony - Freeform, Moony Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs, POV Sirius Black, Padfoot - Freeform, Patronus, Prongs - Freeform, Queer Character, Reference First War, Sarcasm, Wormtail - Freeform, Young Sirius Black, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23289124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaymardsa/pseuds/Kaymardsa
Summary: Some of Sirius's favorite memories from Hogwarts.One from each year.Patronus casting memories ❤
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Patronus. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674853
Comments: 19
Kudos: 67





	1. First Year. Meeting My Best Friends.

Sirius walked to Griffindor tower after the welcome feast with James Potter, the boy who was sure to be his best friend.

He took his time on the lengthy walk, laughing at the portraits on the wall, and trying not to think about the death glares that were burning holes into his skin from his Slytherin cousins. He wouldn't let them ruin this for him. 

Because nothing was better than this. _Hogwarts._ He already had an overwhelming feeling of home, a feeling that was only multiplied once he set foot in the Griffindor common room.

He loved every single thing about it. From the peeling carpet due to years of nervously pacing 7th years, to the deep ink stains on the wooden study tables between the stair cases to the dorms. He wouldn't change anything. Everything looked _loved_ and well used, and even though he wouldn't admit it, that was Sirius's favorite part. 

As they made their way up to the dorms, he quickly claimed the bed by the window, excited about having a pleasant view for the first time in his life. One of the other new Griffindor boys, whose name Sirius couldn't recall, had his stuff in the next bed over nearest the door. James was across from Sirius, leaving the tiny boy, Peter, next to him nearest the bathroom. 

"I'm James!" James announced while everyone began to settle in, still too excited to sleep much "And this is Sirius! Who are you lot?" He added cheerily, gesturing to Sirius.

"Peter Pettigrew..." The boy next to James squeaked nervously. 

"Remus Lupin" The one next to Sirius said coolly as he pulled out a muggle record player and sat it on his bedside table. 

_"...the fuck_ kinda name is that?" Sirius joked as he eyed the record player with interest. 

"You can't _SIRIUS_ ly be asking me that..." Remus replied as he turned to look at Sirius, eyebrows raised.

James barked a laugh as Sirius face split into a huge grin. Peter laughed nervously from his cross legged position on the bed, clearly not sure what was happening. 

"Guys! This is it! _Hogwarts!"_ James said as he threw himself onto his bed dramatically. 

"Do any of you have siblings that have been?" Peter asked after a moment.

"Nope" "nah" "I'm the oldest" Remus, James and Sirius replied. 

"Me either. Bit exciting innit?" Peter continued. 

"I had to really make an effort to not squeal like a 5 year old with excitement in those boats" James laughed, only partly joking. 

"Haha I know what you mean..." Sirius said, half listening as he unpacked some things. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remus deadpanned yelled in the highest register he could reach as he continued to sort through his trunk lazily. 

There was a split second of staring before mayhem was unleashed.

 _"GAAAAHHHHH!"_ James joined in with enthusiasm, jumping on his bed in full force. 

Sirius jumped on his trunk and beat his chest as he too screamed out, while Peter marched back and forth across the room with his hand in the air screeching the loudest of the four. 

**BANG! BANG! BANG!** "Shut the _FUCK UP!"_ Someone shouted while banging on the door. 

Uh oh....

 ** _"Sorry!"_** All four boys shouted sheepishly through the walls before turning to look at one another and falling to pieces with laughter. 

Sirius had no memory of laughing so hard in his life.  
Cheeks red and stomach sore from laughing, Sirius turned back to his dorm mates, unable to control his grin. "I like you lot. Great mates." He said with a confident nod. 

"Best mates! Best mates! Best mates!" James whisper chanted as he bounced lightly on his bed. 

Peter just laughed and nodded his head enthusiastically. 

"You're adequate I suppose" Remus said with a dramatic sigh and smirk as he closed his trunk with a snap. 

"Fuck off, I'm amazing. We all are. And this is going to be the best year!" Sirius said as he pulled the blanket around himself. 

"Yea yea...." Remus rolled his eyes "who wants to bet that he says that same thing next year" he finished with a chuckle. 

"Night, all!" James said into the silence as they each closed the curtains around their beds for sleep. 

"Night." They responded together.

Sirius drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face and the laughter of his new friends echoing in his ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius would most definitely start every single year off by announcing that it would be the best one...


	2. Year Two. How To Get Detention.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has light sarcasm about an emotional support animal. I want to start by saying that this is meant as a joke 100% and I do not at all make light of any emotional needs that require the use of an emotional support animal. 
> 
> This being said, they are teenage boys. 12 year olds. I'm writing this as I imagine 12 year olds may joke. 
> 
> Also, this was only posted after being proofed by a friend with diagnosed PTSD and a service dog. It is never my intention to offend anyone.

Sirius was thrown out of potions for the third consecutive class by Slughorn, who clearly was peeved he didn't want to join his stupid swot club. He just hated that bigot so much! He never outright said any slurs, but his contempt was always just under the surface and it was infuriating. 

He fumed as he stomped past the rows of desks to Mcgonagalls office, not bothering to keep quiet as he exited the classroom with a _slam_ of the door. 

10 steps into the corridor he heard the door slam again and turned around, momentarily too curious to spit fire. James, Peter and Remus were all running up to him with huge grins on their faces. 

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Sirius demanded, though not unkindly. 

"Coming with you, mate. What's it look like?" Peter said as James threw his arm around both boys shoulders red in the face from trying not to laugh.

"Seems someone let loose a Cornish Pixie in class" Remus shrugged, failing miserably at his attempts to hide his grin. 

"You _didnt....."_ Sirius stared in amazement. 

"Yup! _Bloody brilliant!"_ James squealed.

"You are a mad man Remus Lupin" Sirius smirked as he shook he head. 

_"Oi!_ We helped, you wanker!" Peter scolded as he clipped Sirius behind the ears jokingly. The four boys made their way merrily toward Mcgonagalls office. Sirius felt that his feet could probably take him their without his brain doing any work at all, from just muscle memory alone. Merlin, he really spent a lot of time in detention....

"We found the thing hanging out near Hagrids garden last week when you were serving detention for the _LAST_ time he kicked you out" James explained.

"And Remus stunned it and has been keeping it _as a_ _pet"_ Peter added with a laugh. 

Remus scoffed, but a light chuckle betrayed him. "I just felt like Pinky the Pixie may come in handy" he said airily with a wave of his hand. "And I was right was I not?" 

James let out a bark of laughter as he nodded fervently. "This git raised his.... raised his hand" he started to explain through his laughing. "And said.... he said...." 

"Sir! I need to feed my Pixie...." Peter screeched. 

"What...." Sirius said, unable to keep himself from chuckling with his friends, even though he didn't get what was funny yet.

"He just looked me like I was thick." Remus smiled as he shrugged his shoulder innocently. "Asked my why I brought a Pixie to class..." 

"Remus said.... He said...." Peter stopped and held his stomach trying to get his hysterics under control enough to speak. 

"He said 'it's my emotional support Pixie." James wheezed, desperately trying to gain control over his hysterics.

"He was so confused! Just asked 'Why'..." Peter gasped.

"This wanker just said, in a very calm voice.... 'I'm distressed because you're being a _classist twat!'"_ James shouted, barely containing himself.

Sirius just stared at Remus. Shocked. 

_Fucking. Shocked._

Remus just shrugged his shoulders again and continued to walk toward their head-of-house's office as Sirius fell into giggles with his friends, each taking turns physically supporting the others during the uncontrollable laughing and stomach cramps.

"Really though, Pixies are quite a handful when they are hungry" Remus added loftily. "He should have just let me feed her."

The laughing and joking slowly died the closer they got to Mcgonagalls door. "She's going to kills us all." James said matter-of-factly. 

"Yup."   
"Yea."  
"Mmhmm."

They stopped outside of her door and just stared at one another, silently hoping someone else would be the one to knock. 

"Might as well just come in boys." Mcgonagalls voice rang through the other side of the door. 

"You guys are fucking nuts. I love you." Sirius said with a sigh as though they were going into battle.

"We know."   
"Love you too, mate."  
"You're alright..." 

Sirius took a deep breath and tried in vain to hide the smirk on his face as he opened the door with a flourish.

 _"Minnie, love!"_ He called jovially. 

"Nope." She said without looking up from her writing. The boys just waited by her desk until she was ready.

When she had finished her writing, she handed them each a piece of parchment with a weeks worth of detentions assigned on it. "I hope it was worth it." She deadpanned as she gestured for them to exit. 

"Yup."  
"Sure was."  
"Definitely."  
"100%"

As they walked back into the hallway Sirius threw a glance back to his favorite professor. "Always a pleasure Minnie!" 

She pointed her finger toward the hall without looking up, but Sirius was sure he saw the corners of her lips twitch ever so slightly. 

_She was amazing, that Minnie G._


	3. Third year. Don't Forget The Cake.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets a birthday cake.  
> Cheesey but cute.

Sirius was laying on the common room floor, thoroughly lost in some muggle album Lily had put on while everyone around him scrambled to finish last minute assignments before the weekend. He was resting his head on big cushion while Marlene worked on a history of magic essay next to him, occasionally asking him to fact check, or needing a reminder on some date or event. 

He had learned in first year that Marlene lived only 3 streets over from Sirius. He frequently met her in the village in the town when he could sneak away during holiday breaks from school, and during this time they had grown quite close. Marlene was brilliant at flying and defensive spells, and about a million other things, but she struggled with History of Magic. Sirius thought it was because she was muggle born and had to start from scratch, but Marlene insists its just because " _History is boring as fuck no matter which world you are in_." 

He was half listening to the music, half listening to her read the newly completed essay, so distracted he almost didn't notice Remus, James, and Pete come in through the portrait hole. 

"Why are you covered in.... is that... _MUD?!"_ Dorcas shouted across the common room. 

Sirius looked up to see his friends standing there, dripping brown gunk all over the carpet, each doing their best impression of innocence they could manage under the circumstances. 

Sirius, Marlene and Mary all burst out laughing as James shrugged and mumbled "Cake mix...."

Alice Fortescue, a 6th year prefect, came down the stair to the girls dorms and immediately shrieked " _Potter! What is this SHITE_!" 

Sirius laughed even harder at the looks of pure fear on his friends faces as they emotionally prepared to suffer the wrath of Alice. There was a reason they called her _The General,_ afterall. 

"Why are we yelling at Potter? Lily asked as she followed behind Alice, grinning. "I mean, I'm here for it. I just want to be able to integrate with your contempt. I've gotten quite good at it myself." She added with a glare in James's direction. 

"Hey!"  
"Oi!"  
"Haha!"  
"Thats fair..." James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus all responded at the same time. 

Alice reluctantly used a cleansing charm, a bit rougher than was strictly necessary, on the boys clothes before allowing them to escape to the dorms, Sirius close behind them. 

"So... cake mix?" Sirius asked as they trekked up the stairs. "You prats were doing a prank without me?!" He finished with accusatory tone. 

"It was for your birthday, you wanker." Remus said with an exasperated look at Sirius before he turned to open the door, shaking his head. Sirius just froze. 

See, he forgets sometimes. 

He forgets that normal people grew up celebrating birthdays. He forgot that this was a birthday tradition. He forgot for a moment that this is what people do when they care for you. Just... _forgot._

"You didn't have to... I don't need...." he stuttered. 

"Of course not, mate! We wanted to. It's not a real birthday party without cake!" James said cheerily as he searched through his things for clean clothes. "I call shower first!" He added as he raced Peter to the bathroom. 

Remus threw himself down onto his bed and turned to look at Sirius. "You alright?" 

Sirius plopped down next to Remus and mumble a quick "yea". 

They laid there in silence for a while, staring up at the ceiling, before Peter finally exited the bathroom to wait his turn by the door in defeat, face red from what Sirius was sure was some sort of wresting match. 

When James was done he went down to the common room in hopes of getting a moment with Lily. 

"Good luck..."  
"Not this again..."  
"Your funeral, mate." Sirius, Peter, and Remus all mumbled as he closed the door. 

"He is going to get slapped..." Peter chuckled as he closed the bathroom door.

"Hey." Remus said with a nudge. "Did we upset you? About the cake?" 

"No... I just..." Sirius searched foe the words. "I don't know. I'm just being dumb." He finished lamely. Remus gave him another nudge of encouragement as Sirius let out a long shakey sigh. 

"I just forget, you know." He said. "Sometimes I don't realize how shite my family is until other people do normal things like _bake_ _a_ _fucking cake."_ He added with a weary shake of his head and a light chuckle that was absolutely not fooling Remus.

But Remus just nodded in understanding as they sat in comfortable silence for a while. 

"It was suppose to be chocolate." Remus said into the silence. Sirius turned to look at him, a small smile on his face. 

"Chocolate with strawberry icing." He added. 

"Yum" Sirius said with a grin. 

"Yea.." Remus agreed with a chuckle. "We couldn't agree on what to write on the top though. Peter wanted 'Happy Birthday'. James wanted it to say 'Have a SIRIUSly Good Birthday'..."

"Which one did you want?" 

"Oh I was going to put 'Take it Or Leave It, Fucker.' But that was vetoed fairly quickly." Remus said with a shrug. Sirius barked a laugh that made Remus grin even wider. "Turns out, none of us know how to make a cake." He laughed as he stood up to gather his things for his own shower. 

"The party will be great though" he said cheerily as he grabbed Sirius's hand to pull him up. "And the kitchen elves said they would fix the cake exactly how we had originally envisioned. Won't be the same though... we really wanted to make it."

"It will be brilliant." Sirius stated firmly. 

*

Two hours later they were all drinking in the common room when James stood up on the table to get everyones attention. He quickly removed himself a second later when Alice screamed " _Get off the fucking table, Potter!_ " While everyone laughed.

"Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!" James, Peter and Remus started chanting as the rest of the common room joined in! Marlene began a an upbeat, but very off key, version of Happy Birthday while Sirius looked down on his birthday cake with a huge smile. 

The cake read:

"Happy Birthday, I hope it's SIRIUSly great. Take it or leave it." 

"They left the _'fucker'_ off though..." Remus mumbled into Sirius's ear, causing him to laugh just as he went to blow out his candles. 

It was the best birthday he had ever had. And yea, maybe that wasn't saying much, but it meant the world to him. 

He was loved.

His friends had made sure he had cake on his birthday. 

He was surrounded by the best people in existence.

And he would _never_ forget about cake again....


	4. Fourth year. Drunken revelation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is drunk.  
> Cursing.  
> Marlene passively outs herself.  
> Peter is sloppy.  
> Sirius and Remus fluffiness. 
> 
> Sirius makes a discovery.

Sirius sat on the floor by the common room fire, sipping on some witches brew Marlene brought, while mentally rubbing his sore ego after a very embarrassing chess loss to Peter earlier. It was getting late and the shared space was thinning out leaving mostly upper year students who were, to Sirius's horror, studying. 

"Promise me we won't ever be so swotty that we study on a perfectly good Saturday night!" Sirius huffed with all the contempt he could muster, as Remus sat down on the floor next to him. Marlene let out a hiccup with her chuckle, giving away just how much she had had to drink already. 

"You never know..." Remus shrugged as Sirius moved to put his legs across Remus lap. "NEWTS is suppose to be a real bitch. You might have to make an _actual effort."_ He added with an eye roll as he took the bottle of witches brew Marlene offered him. 

"Fuck. That." Sirius replied.

"Here here!" Marlene shouted holding up her bottle for a toast. 

"What are we toasting!?" James asked enthusiastically, grabbing his own drink as he joined the group on the floor. 

"Our never ending success as troublemaking marauders, even in the face of life changing responsibilities" Remus deadpanned as he held up his own glass. James and Sirius, both grinning widely, threw their glasses up and shouted "Here! Here!" Before all four fell into laughter. 

"Where is Pete?" Marlene asked after the giggles died down. "You lot are almost never apart" she added with an amused grin. 

Sirius had started to search the room with his eyes for Peter when James began swatting his arm frantically through stunned silence. 

"Oh. My. Godric." Remus said, equally stunned. Sirius followed their gaze to where Peter was, by the window, fully lip locked with Mary Macdonald. 

It was not pretty. Both 4th years were clearly drunk. It was equally clear that neither party had much, if any, experience with snogging. 

"Oh fuck. Now I get to hear about this shit for the next week" Marlene grumbled. She shared a dorm with Mary, Lily and Dorcas, but it was always clear she would rather hang with the guys any day. "Straight chicks..." she said with a roll of her eyes. 

Sirius, James and Remus all looked at each other, each asking the same question with their eyes. " _Did you know Marlene was gay?_ " After a full minute of silence, in which Marlene definitely did not miss their expressions, she let out a deep sigh.

Sirius just raised his eyebrow at her as she moved to lay her head on his stomach. "I said what I said, bitch." She mumbled before taking another deep swig of her drink. All three boys grinned back at her. 

"I swear I will jump off the astronomy tower if Pete gets his leg over before I do!" Sirius said indignantly, bringing his focus back to the disgustingly entertaining scene across the room. 

"Sirius, you're barely 15. Calm the fuck down." Remus reasoned.

"Yea" Marlene added with a chuckle "besides, judging by this display, I doubt either of them are sober enough to know where to stick it anyhow" The group laughed loudly, shushing each other so as not to draw unwanted attention. 

Time slowly inched by as the 4 friends quickly got more and more drunk. James eventually sent a ball of parchment across the room to hit Pete on the head, but he didnt so much as blink when it hit him. This was quickly and wordlessly formed into a game to see who could get the most hits in before Peter noticed. 

It took 71 hits total, the win going to James, before Marlene drunkenly hit Mary in the face instead, causing an abrupt end to the game in lieu of pretending they were all innocent.

Unfortunately Lily was nearest to Pete and Mary, thus she was blamed. This, of course, caused James to come clean, which caused a scene, which ended the fun pretty quickly as Mary, Lily, and Marlene joined Dorcas upstairs for sleep after being shouted down by a thoroughly tired Alice.

James helped a severely drunken Peter upstairs while Remus and Sirius remained behind to 'clean up', which was definitely code for 'finish all the drinks'. 

They had gathered about 7 half-full bottles from various places around the room and plopped down on the now vacant couch. There were only 3 other students in the common room now, each one blinded fully to anything but the text in front of them, so Remus and Sirius clinked their glasses to celebrate their solitude and drank in comfortable silence. 

Sirius was very very drunk. He was also very tried. Nudging Remus, quite a bit more sharply than he intended, he asked "think its time for bed?" 

"Too tired to walk..." Remus mumbled as he let his head fall back to rest on the back of the couch. "Too drunk...." he added with a heavy slur.

"Me too" Sirius replied as he made to lay down with his head on a pillow in Remus's lap. Both boys silently agreed to sleep it off right there, each hoping against hope they would wake up before Alice found them in the morning. 

Remus's hand found itself in Sirius's hair, absentmindedly rubbing his head and playing with the soft, dark strands. Sirius let himself relax, too drunk to care about what was happening. He felt Remus brush the hair out of his face and behind his ear as he shifted position slightly in his seat. 

Turning his head slightly to look at Remus, Sirius found him staring right down at him. Remus just smiled, brushed the last strand of hair from Sirius's cheek, and said "night" before letting his head fall backwards again. 

In a single second, Sirius felt as if all the alcohol was sucked from his body. He closed his eyes as his newly sober mind fought with the fast beating of his heart. 

_Well this is new_ , Sirius thought as he let out a breath he hadn't even been aware he was holding. 

What the actual fuck.

How should he feel right now? Was it normal to feel so... _excited?_ Was he excited? Or... peaceful? Happy? 

_...Confused?_

He took a deep breath, told himself they were both drunk, and attempted to find the sleepiness that had almost overtaken him only moments ago. 

That fluttering feeling in his entire middle section when Remus looked at him might have been terrifying if it wasn't also the most _exhilarated_ and _happy_ he had ever felt in his life. He could still feel a tingle where Remus's hand had brushed against his cheek. 

Smiling to himself, he thought about the night as he drifted off. He thought about Peter and Mary, and flying parchment, and witches brew, and Marlene coming out to them.... 

Oh.

_Oh fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius would later classify this as one of his best memories because it was when he discovered a huge part of who he was.  
> It's also the exact moment he feels he really sees Remus for who Remus is.  
> Don't we all let our guard down a bit when we are tipped? Haha!
> 
> *getting a leg over is a slang term for sex, for anyone who may not know.


	5. Year Five. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their first night as animagus in the shrieking shack.

Sirius woke up on the dusty floor of the shrieking shacks upstairsstairs closet, neck deep in the tangle of limbs that was Peter and James. 

Well, could you really wake up if you never _fully_ fell asleep? 

As soon as Remus had been gathered by Madam Pomfrey, the door closing firmly behind them, James jumped up and felt around for the invisibility cloak. They would wait a little longer, then head up to meet Remus in the hospital like they had always done before. 

"That was... " Peter trailed off, unable to talk through the wide grin on his face. 

"It was _fucking brilliant_ is what it was!" James said loudly as the other two boys shushed him. They took s second to eye the door in total silence before Sirius spoke. 

"Let's get to the castle" he rushed out "I want to know how much Remus remembers." They started to make their way back toward the entrance to the tunnel, James leading the line. 

"He might not remember anything mate" James warned "so don't get all worked up if he doesn't."

"He will." Sirius said confidently. James looked over his shoulder, past Sirius, and shared a knowing look with Peter. 

"He _will!"_ Sirius said more firmly, getting annoyed. "Maybe its a dog/wolf thing.... but I just _know_ it, ok?" He added meekly. 

"Ok mate. He will." Peter affirmed. 

There was various chatter about how much easier it would be to take the tunnel as their animagus forms, but it was still fairly new, and none of them seemed to be able to hold their animal form while they were exhausted. 

"It's suppose to get easier though" James announced knowledgeably. 

"Yea" Sirius agreed "I read that some people even change in their sleep if their human bodies are too restless." 

"Great.... that's exactly what I need" Pete moaned "to turn into a rat in my bed and not know it." 

All three boys laughed at the humor and continued on their way in comfortable, and sleepy, silence. They would see Remus, and then head straight for their beds. Thank Merlin is was a Saturday. 

*

Madame Pomfrey made the boys wait outside while she finished checking Remus for wounds. The boys we unsurprised to learn he had very few, but pretended to be shocked and pleased nonetheless. 

Remus was wide awake when they were finally able to get near his bed, and he sat up quickly as they approached, sending a quiet 'thank you' to Madame Pomfrey as she left. 

They simply stared at each other. 

Each temporarily lost for words as they let the triumph wash over their features. It was Peter who spoke first, quoting Madame Pomfrey. 

"Mimimal wounds this time, eh? 

"Looks that way" Remus nodded, still grinning. 

"I _wonder_ why that could be" James asked, tapping his finger to his chin as if in deep thought as they all laughed lightly.

Sirius looked down the row of beds to be sure they were alone and then set a silencing charm around their corner for good measure. 

"How do you feel?" He asked Remus with all the seriousness he could manage behind his own seemingly permanent grin. 

"I feel great. Sore.... obviously. But I didn't hurt myself and....." He trailed off a little, lowering his voice "... and I remember snippets of the night." 

"I _fucking_ knew _it!"_ Sirius whooped as he stuck his tongue out at Peter and James. "I _knew_ you would" he repeated in much calmer tones as he looked back to Remus. 

"Did we..." Remus pulled a face as he recalled a memory "... did we howl at the moon" he asked Sirius with clear embarrassment. 

Peter, James and Sirius all laughed. "Yea we did" Sirius nodded proudly as he moved to sit at the end of Remus's bed "it was bloody great!" 

Remus groaned in disbelief, but was silenced as Sirius placed a hand on his calf over the blanket. "Really, mate. Its was like music." He gave Remus a sincere look that put a little color on his cheeks as the turned their attention quickly away from each other. 

James grabbed Peters arm and stared off into space as he gasped loudly. "Guys! Guys Ive got it!" He stage whispered excitedly. _"Moony."_ He moved his hands in the air as if presenting the words on a chalk board. 

The other 3 just stared back, confused. 

"What the fuck are you on about?" Remus deadpanned. 

"Your nickname!" He said as he waved his hands dramatically again. _"Moony."_

"Oh I like that!" Peter added with a nod. 

"Sounds like the name of a fucking rabbit" Remus said, face still unreadable. 

"Nah." Sirius shrugged "It sounds like the name of a rock star!" He smile at Remus. 

Remus smiled back, and Sirius felt the strong need to sit down before he realized he _was_ already sitting. 

"What about yours then" Remus said. 

"Oh! Pete has to be _Wormtail!"_ Sirius shouted through a laugh. 

"Fuck you!" Peter laughed back as he flipped them off "I said it _LOOKED_ like a worm one fucking time...." 

" _Wormtail! Wormtail! Wormtail!_ " James began to chant quietly as Remus and Sirius joined in. 

Eventually Peter conceded with a laugh and another two fingered salute to Sirius. 

Madame Pomfrey brought Remus a tray of food, a huge array of things she knew the others would pick at took, leaving them once again to their reflections of the night. 

"You know I think my horns will get bigger the older I get James randomly announced into the silence as they ate. 

"They are called _antlers,_ James" Remus laughed "And you're probably right. I mean... it makes sense that you would grow as your animagus form too" he shrugged. 

"Yea" Sirius said "right now it just looks like you have a two pronged fork sticking out behind your ears" he added with a laugh, putting the fork he was holding on top of his head as a visual aid. 

"You're one to talk!" James laughed as he threw a piece of bread at Sirius's face. "You look like an over grown puppy dog!" 

"Yea! Do you even have nails in those paws?" Peter added as he kicked his foot into Sirius's. 

Remus was just staring at his plate, lost in thought. When he looked up to speak he noticed the others looking at him and laughed. _"What?"_ He asked weakly. 

"Nothing" Sirius chuckled. Remus always looked like that when he was lost in thought. 

"Well, its settled then" Remus nodded as if they had all agreed on something. 

The boys just looked at one another, confused as Remus let out a bark of laughter. 

Pointing to James he said _"Prongs."_

Then he turned to point at Sirius and smirked. _"Padfoot."_

James gasped dramatically with his hand over his heart as he pretended to cry. " _Its so beautiful!_ "

"Yes!" Peter shouted as he pumped his fist in the air, clearly happy that he wasn't the only one with a stupid name. 

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs" Sirius said thoughtfully. "We sound like the coolest rock band ever." 

"Yea, we do."  
"Kinda, yea"  
"It's amazing" 

The three boys left Remus to rest in the hospital wing while they made their way back to the dorms, talking the whole way about how they would look as animals in 5 years, and how they should practice changing regularly to make it feel as natural as possible. 

They fell into the beds wordlessly as the sun brightly shone through the slightly parted window curtains. The rare lack of movement from James, and the light snoring from Peter indicated that Sirius was awake alone again, unable to sleep. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he changed into his dog form, thinking 'Padfoot' as he changed. 

He climbed out of his bed and into Remus's, not caring that he probably wouldn't stay a dog in his sleep, or that Remus was sure to come back and see him there. He was tired. And Padfoot liked Remus's bed better. 

He drifted off to sleep in a small ball right on top of the covers, the beautiful memory of their combined howling at the moon drowning out all thoughts until he was finally asleep. 


	6. Year 6: I Love You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confession time.  
> The cheesiest of Sirius's patronus casting memories, but also his most powerful.

They knew they would be too easily recognized at the Three Broomsticks, so more often than not James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter found themselves at the Hogshead on Friday nights. The bands were shit, and the drinks were even more shit, but being 16 and 17 year old rebels, they didn't care. They were together and they were living. There was a war brewing and everyday they could not think about the future was a day well spent. 

So they wasted as many Friday nights as they could, taking the tunnels and sneaking through the castle back to the dorms, or sleeping it off on the stands overlooking the Quidditch pitch when the weather was nice.

Peter had the brilliant idea to keep a few spare quidditch playing robes hidden in the broom shed just in case they were late to breakfast. "It'll just look like we were out for an early spin around the pitch" he said, thrilled at having brought such a solid plan B to the table. 

The last weekend before the end of term they really showed out. They would be leaving on the train tomorrow and coming back as 7th year students on September 1st. Exams were over and the celebrations abounded. 

It was nearly 2am before they stumbled out of the Hogshead, drinks in hand and singing loudly the off-key tune the band had drilled into their skulls. It was always nice to be in the village, but nothing topped wandering around aimlessly, booze in hand as they marched the familiar path back to the refuge of warm blankets and sleep. 

"I bet if I ran fast enough.... I could _fly"_ Sirius announced, waving his drink around haphazardly. 

James gasped in awe, stumbling drunkenly as his eyes widened. "Can you teach me?" 

Sirius nodded his head exaggeratedly and passed his drink to Remus who promptly finished it off. "Watch how it's done Prongsie boy" he slurred confidently, giving James two taps on the cheek. 

Then he was off, flapping his arms as if he might turn into a bird at any moment, and running down the empty back street as fast as his whiskey drown legs would take him. 

The boys cheered enthusiastically when Sirius jumped as high as he could, flapping his arms even harder. As he landed he fell to his knees and rolled a little before jumping up with a huge grin, raising his hands as though he had stuck the landing on one of those muggle Olympic sport thingies Remus talked about. 

_"Ta-da"_ he said, giving a small curtsey as the others ran up to him, congratulating him as if he had actually flown. 

They made their way slowly toward the castle, laughing and drunk and talking about literal nonsense while another hour passed. 

"It's going to be a long summer without you guys" Remus mumbled as they made a right toward the forest. 

"Come visit Moons" James said, slapping him on the back harder than he meant to. _"Oops. S_ orry, mate" he laughed, "but come visit. You and Pete both. We'll be so _bored_ without you guys!"

Sirius scoffed loudly. _"Rude"_ he said in mock offense. "How can anyone be bored when they get to live with all of _this"_ he asked, wiggling his eyebrows and opening his arms as of to present himself. 

All three boys boo'ed loudly, laughing when Sirius flipped them all off with a flourish as they made their way to the abandoned shed that hid a secret tunnel to the castle. It ended behind the statue of Gregory The Smarmy on the first floor, and was their go-to ever since Benjy had added the corridor with the One-Eyed-Witch to the prefects rounds. 

This tunnel was Sirius's favorite though. It was big enough to get through even when James was in full stag, but not so big that it meant they would space out to sleep. It was near enough to the Great Hall that the sounds of people making their way to breakfast woke them gently, and they could easily blend in with the crowd as they made their way to nearest cups of coffee they could find in their hungover states. 

"I can't believe we're 7th year students..." Pete smiled behind his yawn, pulling a few pillows and blankets out of the charmed bag they had left there in the tunnel on the way out "Like... we're almost _adults."_

"Ew."  
"Gross..."  
"You're really killing the vibe Wormy" they said at the same time. 

"I brought snacks" James slurred cheerfully, waving a handful of cauldron cakes before tossing them in the middle for everyone to grab. 

They spent another slightly less drunken hour trying to piece together a plan for how James might convince Lily to visit during the summer, but in the end decided that sending an owl was the most chill way to go about it. 

Because... they had grown. Sirius found himself thinking about just how much they had all changed -and how they had stayed the same- as he got cozy between James and Remus, laying on his back with his hands behind his head. 

"We've got to go big next year" he said into the silence. "We've got to leave our mark on this place somehow." 

"I guess you don't think all the scorch marks in potions and the broken window in our dorm are enough then" Remus laughed, turning to face Sirius. 

"No" Sirius said with a grin. "We need to go _bigger."_

_"Yea."_ James and Peter both agreed, nodding their heads as they started to drift off. 

Sirius and Remus were often the last two up after parties since both were accustomed to functioning on minimum sleep. It helped that James and Peter were light weight drinkers, but really... Sirius looked forward to this time with Remus. 

You see, he hadn't gotten up the courage to tell him yet how he felt. Even with running away the previous summer, and the ever worsening war just over the horizon, nothing terrified him more than the idea of being rejected by his best friend. Nothing seemed worse than losing this boy he loved. 

James knew. Of course he did, the brilliant bastard. He'd cornered Sirius during that Christmas holiday and flat out asked him what was the deal with him and Remus. Sirius admitted that he had feelings; that he had for some time, but that Remus didn't know and he was too scared to act on it. 

James had taken every opportunity in the following months to force them together. He intentionally teamed up with Pete on projects to leave them to pair up, insisted they take rounds together during pranks, and even dared Remus to kiss Sirius during a drunken game of Truth or Dare in the common room. 

It had been a good year. 

_"Ughhhh"_ Remus groaned, rolling onto his side and popping himself up onto his elbow. "I think I'm already starting to sober up."

"My condolences" Sirius said, betraying his sincerity with a light laugh.

Remus reached under his blanket and pulled out a mostly empty bottle of fire whiskey, shaking it slightly as he raised his eyebrows questioningly to Sirius.

Sirius nodded quickly and propped himself up facing Remus. _"Silencio"_ he whispered, concentrating hard through the drunken haze so as not to wake their sleeping friends. 

They passed the bottle back and forth, each one reveling a thought or secret as they did, as was their tradition, not commenting on what the other had said, but letting them get it out without judgement.

The first time Sirius admitted he was abused had been like this, and it was also the way Remus confirmed Sirius's suspicion that he was a werewolf. It worked for them, even if no one else understood it, and the two boys who bottled everything up found a way to be vulnerable and heard where they had never managed it before. 

"If James and Lily end up dating -and I think they probably will- I think I'll get left out" Sirius said, passing the bottle. 

Remus nodded knowingly as he took a swig. "Even if I get the best scores in history... I don't have a future in the wizarding world as a werewolf." 

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Remus shook his head. "Doesn't matter right now though" he mumbled as he handed the nearly empty bottle to Sirius. 

"I don't think I'll ever be brave enough to say this sober..." Sirius said, stopping to take a long drink. "But I'm... I think I'm... gay." He took another tiny sip before holding the bottle out to Remus. "Actually no. I _know_ I'm gay" he said with a heavy slur. "Like... _so_ fucking gay." 

Remus met his eyes to give him an encouraging smile and nod that made Sirius's heart skip a beat as he took the bottle. "You're the bravest of us all Sirius Black" he said, much louder than he intended as he drained the last of the amber liquid. "I wish I was _half_ as brave" he added, rolling onto his back with a sigh and pulling his covers up slightly. 

Sirius just laughed as sleepiness washed over him and he got comfortable under the big blanket James insisted he share with Remus. 

  
Maybe it was the whiskey, or perhaps the general happiness he felt after such s great night with his best mates. Maybe it had something to do with Remus calling him brave, or his warm body so near to his... whatever it was it made Sirius's heart leap and his mind set as he rolled to his back in the silence, making up his mind that this was the moment. Now was the time. 

"Remus" he whispered quietly, half hoping he had gone to sleep. 

"Yea Pads?"

His heart was pounding in his ears, as he put himself out there, trying hard not to slur his words. "I'm... I'm in love with you Remus. I have been for a while." 

In the long stretch of silence that followed, Sirius stared at the roof of the tunnel, willing Remus to say something but also terrified of what he might say. 

Remus grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. 

"Sirius..." he whispered, a hint of desperation in his voice. "Please remember this in the morning. _Please..._ don't forget that you love me." 

Sirius let out the breath he had been holding and turned to curl into Remus's side. "It's impossible to forget Moons" he mumbled. 

"I love you Pads" he said, pulling Sirius in closer. "I... Ididn't want to do this drunk, but.... I love you so much" 

"Don't worry" Sirius whispered. "I can promise you that I won't _ever_ forget this." 

And he never did. 


	7. Year 7: The Best Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7th year.  
> Strong memories.  
> Fluffy fluff stuff.

"There are already people going on about it" Sirius boasted as he made his way through the portrait hole. "I think this is my favorite prank this year."

James nodded in agreement as he moved over to allow Sirius room at the little table in the corner of the common room. "Remus is finishing up over by Ravenclaw tower now" he said, pointing to the little dot labeled Remus Lupin on the marauders map. "Looks like Pete has a few more to go." 

They didn't normally execute pranks in the middle of the day, but the girls were busy with a study group they had pulled together last minute to help Mary pass Monday's History of Magic exam, and Sirius had gotten board again. So they passed the early afternoon by changing every door they could to scarlet and charming the entrances to only let people through if they _roared_ like a lion. 

They split up and took the castle in sections. Sirius had taken the cloak with him as he did all the doors nearest to the dungeons, and James had taken the map to get the headmasters office, the staff room, Filch's office, and all the doors between. Remus was getting the side of the castle that held Ravenclaw tower, the Room of Requirement, the Library, and most of the classrooms, while Pete handled the main floor.

The idea was that Pete could easily stow his wand away and act as though he were just coming from the great hall to see if there was food left from lunch, and Remus had the excuse of having met someone for tutoring or whatever else he could think of. He was a great deal better than the rest of them at thinking on his feet and so, as usual, Pete was their concern. 

James and Sirius watched in excitment as crowds of dots gathered outside of various doors and Professors made their way from their offices to see what was going on. _It was working!_

They were laughing hard with tears forming in their eyes as Remus came through the portrait hole to meet them. 

"Moony" Sirius wheezed, "come look at this!" He reached out for his boyfriends hand and pulled him closer to see the map, pointing to two large clusters of dots on either side of the Slytherin common room door. "Yea... this is _definitely_ my favorite prank this year."

They watched as Pete made his way to the last 2 doors, going quite a bit slower than the others had, but still getting the job done. 

"Come on Wormy" James mumbled under his breath as the tiny dot labeled Minerva Mcgonagall started to move his way. "Come _on..._ get the fuck out of there mate..."

But they all knew what would happen before it did, and as Mcgonagall's dot came to a stop next to Peter's dot, they groaned in unison. 

"He can still get out of it" Remus said, though he didn't seem too confident. "He isn't breaking any rules by just being in the hall. He can talk himself out..." His voice trailed off as the two dots moved together in the direction of Mcgonagall's office. 

"Should we try and rescue him?" James asked, looking up at his friends. "I feel kinda bad. He'll get all the blame."

"And all the _glory!"_ Sirius laughed. "Besides, it serves him right for going _rat_ last month when Filch got us with those dungbombs. Fucking wanker left me with _two piles_ while he escaped through a crack."

"He's got a point" Remus shrugged. "We _did_ have to scrub the great hall without him." 

James was saved having to pick a side by the loud banging coming from the portrait hole. 

"Oh shit" he laughed, slapping his hand to his head. "Forgot to tell the Fat Lady about the roar thing. Oops."

  
All of Gryffindor house found the door situation very amusing, and the 7th year girls could be heard laughing loudly as they made their way through to the common room. 

"Was it _really_ Pettigrew who did it" Marlene asked, laughing as she tossed her bag onto the floor next to her seat. 

"We'll... he _is_ in detention isn't he" Sirius said casually, waving his hand in the air dismissively.

"Right!" James nodded fiercely as he hopped up to stand on the table. "Our belvoed Petey-Boy is serving time for a triumphant Gryffindor victory over boredom on this very day" he called to the room at large in his most dramatic tone. "Tonight we shall toast his sacrifice and drink many drinks in his honor." 

_"Here, here!"_ Remus and Sirius shouted loudly, thrusting their fists in the air and causing the rest of the common room to break out in cheers while James beamed. 

"Yea yea" Dorcas laughed, rolling her eyes. "But until then let's get outside. It's the first nice day we've had in months and I'm sick of breathing the same air as everyone else."

"Oh! We could go flying" James put in hopefully as he jumped down. But that was shut down quick by everyone but Marlene. 

"Let's just walk out to the lake. I have a spare bottle of _Ogdens_ in my trunk." Mary suggested a wry smile and shrug. "If we get bored we can practice dueling."

"I like the way you think, McDonald" Remus said, stretching and yawning as they all made their way up to the dorms to put their bags away. 

  
It was the perfect day. They made minor bets on what Mcgonagall had Pete doing, and whether she would ask the others about their involvement or just leave it be. They went in turns practicing shield charms while the others threw stinging hexes from all sides, something they had taken to doing since that last big Slytherin-Gryffindor scuffle on the train after Christmas hols. 

James was the best at shielding, but Sirius and Dorcas were the best at attacking, throwing back to back hexes in an attempt to break defenses. They were all getting very good, and everyone had mastered how to shield others as well as themselves. 

It wasn't too long before they were drinking on the lake shore, passing the nearly empty bottle between them and talking about the party that night. Remus and Sirius would get the things they needed from the village using the tunnels while James finished up HeadBoy/Girl rounds with Lily, and they had a good time dodging questions from the girls about where and how they always ended up getting booze for their parties. 

"Just give it up Lil" Remus laughed, laying down next to Sirius on the lawn and tossing a few pieces of mostly dead grass playfully in her direction. "You've been asking since 4th year."

"Will you at least tell us once we're shot of this place" Marlene asked with raised eyebrows. 

Remus, Sirius and James sat up and looked to each other for a moment, then shrugged. 

"Yea."  
"Sure."  
"That's fair." They said together

  
They stayed there for hours by the lake, all together and happy, talking about the future like there wasn't a war on. Like they weren't a few short months away from relentless hell on earth. Like this moment was how it always had been, and how it would always be. 

"This is the _best_ year" Sirius said, turning his head on the grass to look at Remus. 

"You say that every single year, Pads" Remus laughed. He took Sirius's hand and brought it to his lips for a brief kiss as he smiled. "But I think you might be right this time." 

Sirius smiled and closed his eyes, his face toward the sky while the sun poured over them cheerfully. This was the memory he would cling to in his worst moments. Even when the visual became weak, and it played back in his mind only in bits and pieces, this was the feeling that stuck with him. When he needed hope in the hopelessness. When he wanted to give in to the heavy weight of endless suffering... he took himself back here. 

The smell of the grass and the sound of the giant squid moving across the water. Remus's thumb drawing circles on the top of his hand while Lily squealed with laughter as James tickled her side. Marlene and Dorcas singing a song of their own making, half-drunk on the FireWhiskey and fully wasted on love while Mary nodded her head to their tune and flicked leaves in the air with her wand, transfiguring them into tiny birds that flew over the lake before they turned back into leaves again. 

It was untainted and pure happiness like Sirius had never known. Not a care in the world, yet caring more than he ever had at the same time. No one could ever take that away from him. Not even the darkest dementor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the fic, I'd love to hear about it ❤


End file.
